He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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