i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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