I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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