An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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