I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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