Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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