I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize