i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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