I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize