You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize