Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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