Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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