bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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