I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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