I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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