so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize