I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize