You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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