His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize