they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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