May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize