you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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