he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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