I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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