Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The uberlube is also flammable
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize