I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
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She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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