mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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