i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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