On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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