genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize