woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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