I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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