dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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