I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize