Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
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Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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