You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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