Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize