I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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