My balls are so social today.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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