Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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