Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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