So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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