He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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