dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
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Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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