She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize