A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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