i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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