your thong is hanging out like whoa
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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