so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize