So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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