This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize